Failure taught me strength

Proof I’ve always been a little bit of a mess :)

Not too long ago, I failed at something huge. I’ve never failed so hard in my life. There were days I didn’t want to pick myself back up. I just wanted to wallow in my defeat, but life goes on, and I wasn’t willing to live the rest of my life bitter and broken.

“Expectations set you up for failure.” I’ve heard this saying before but didn’t pay much attention to it until it applied to my life. I was so prepared for things to go a certain way and when they didn’t, it crushed me.

It’s not success that builds strength. It’s persevering when things go wrong. It’s not like I simply stood up and brushed myself off. It took me a good while to get back on my feet, and finally, I made it out the other side stronger than I was before. But my struggle helped me learn to appreciate all the things I have, and not to take those things for granted.

One morning, while I was still reeling from my failure, I woke with an incredibly strong desire to switch nursing careers and go into a field I’d never been keen on before. Within the month, I started a new job.

I consider myself a pretty pleasant person. I might be dying on the inside, but outwardly I’m smiling and friendly. I’m used to catty women and backstabbing, but at the new place, I was met with hostility or treated like I didn’t exist—something I’ve never experienced in the workplace.

On my way home from work one day, my husband asked how my day went. I remember telling him that it was terrible. So, like any sane person, he asked if I wanted to find something else. I said no, but I couldn’t explain what was keeping me there, other than the people I was helping.

I realize now that it was forcing me out of my comfort zone. It made me reach inside myself for positive affirmation instead of relying on someone else. It helped me to stop putting so much value in what others thought of me. I persevered, caring for my patients and showing them respect even when they couldn’t reciprocate.

I have always been private about my writing, but once I crawled out of my despair, I realized it was time to share my novels. Writing was one of the only things that brought me clarity through a very dark time. I put some of my anguish down on paper which was therapeutic at the time and will make for a heartbreakingly beautiful story someday. I’m strong enough now to withstand the criticism and I won’t build my value based on what others think. I have no huge expectations. I just want to share the stories that have been in my head for years!